…before you became a parent:

“Get your hands out of your pants and finish your lunch.”

“Your buttcrack is not sanitary. Go wash your hands.”

“Either sit on the toilet or go to bed. This is not a game.”

“I saw you pick and eat it. Go wash your hands — I don’t want them on my computer.”

“What is a home without children? Quiet.” -Henny Youngman

[Hat tip to: Zen Habits]

“There are 3 ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your child from doing it.” -Monta Henrichs Crane

“To understand your parents’ love you must raise children yourself.” -Chinese Proverb

“Children have more need of models than of critics.” –Joseph Joubert

“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.” -Sam Levenson

“A man should never neglect his family for business.” -Walt Disney

“Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by children.” -Oliver Wendell Holmes

“Children are a real comfort in your old age — and they make you reach it sooner, too.” -James Cox

“Having five children in six years is the best training in the world for Speaker of the House.” -Nancy Pelosi