I’m not sure why, but this really bothers. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I chose to write in cursive, but it still seems like a skill worth having. Thus, we’ll most likely wind up teaching our kids cursive ourselves.

As for why they’ve dropped cursive, we haven’t really gotten a straight answer. My best guess is that they simply want more time to prepare for standardized tests. If that turns out to be the case, I’ll be very unhappy. After all, as pointless as cursive might end up being in the long run, standardized test prep is far more pointless.

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During a two month trial in Newport, Rhode Island, researchers found that delaying the start of school from 8:00 AM to 8:30 AM resulted in significantly more sleep for teens. In fact, the number of students getting by on less than seven hours dropped by nearly 80%, and the number of students sleeping at least 8 hours increased from 16.4% to 54.7%.

Other benefits of the later start included increased alertness and fewer students reporting that they were too tired for schoolwork or sports. In addition, fewer students reported feeling unhappy, depressed, irritated, or annoyed, and fewer students skipped class or showed up late.

When I was a kid, high school students started earliest, with middle school students starting a bit later, and elementary school students starting last. In our current community, however, the reverse is true: elementary kids start at 8:00 AM, middle school at 8:30AM, and high school at 9:00 AM. All in all, this seems to work well.

Source: Time.com

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A bit of background

While the name-calling has been pretty run-of-the-mill stuff so far, we don’t want it growing into something larger. Moreover, the kid in question apparently told our son that he’d “get him” during recess if he told a teacher. Given this, we’ve decided that it would best to nip it in the bud right now.

It seems that the protagonist is an equal opportunity bully, in that he’s been picking on and threatening a number of kids in the class, including a number of our son’s friend. From the sound of things, he’s a bit of a loner, and I suspect he’s lashing out because he feels left out.

Anyway, enough pop psychology…

Standing up to a bully

Rather than inserting ourselves into the situation, we’ve decided that it would be best for our son to try and work this out on his own, at least at first. To that end, we had a chat with him last night before bed and suggested some possible responses the next time this happens.

We certainly don’t want him to escalate things, so we’ve advised him to steer clear of this kid as much as possible. However, if confronted, we would like to see him stand up for himself, so…

First and foremost, we suggested that he respond to any further name-calling by simply making eye contact and telling the other kid (firmly and confidently) to:

“Stop calling me names.”

If asked what he’s going to do about it, we suggested that he respond matter-of-factly with:

“Tell the teacher.”

If he’s then greeted with a playground threat, we advised him to respond with:

“Stop threatening me. I’m not afraid of you.”

It doesn’t hurt that the kid is actually considerably smaller than our son, and he’s not actually afraid of him — he’s more annoyed than anything else. And to close with:

“If you don’t stop, I will tell the teacher.”

And then make good on his promise by telling the teacher.

The goal here is to be firm, confident, and non-provocative. In my experience, the vast majority of incidents like this happen because the protagonist enjoys getting a rise out of their mark, and they are further emboldened when their victim shies away from the confrontation, so… Say it like you mean it, and then act on it.

This is all new territory for use, so we’ll see how it goes.

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Well, it’s still a big deal, but… It now happens twice a year and the packages have gotten much bigger and more expensive. It seems that the new expectation is for us to buy pictures during both the fall and the spring.

On top of this, our preschool takes pictures twice a year, as well. The real bummer for us this past week is that they sent the proof home and Son #4 (three years old) promptly snatched it off the table and lost it. Not a huge deal, right? Well… For whatever reason, the proof costs far more than a regular picture, and we’d be on the hook for it if we didn’t return it by today.

The real bummer of this is that the proof has a big watermark across it declaring that it’s the property of the photographer. Thus, even if it eventually turned up, it would be of no use to use.

Thankfully, under intense questioning, he had a moment of toddler clarity and told us he had slipped it under the carpet in the living room (we have a large area rug over hardwood in that room). Ah, yes, of course… We looked high and low, but not quite low enough.

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On the Monday morning of his third week of school he didn’t shed a tear. Not only were there no waterworks, but he also announced to his teachers that he wasn’t going to cry anymore. His teachers gave him such praise that his fellow students soon gathered round to proclaim an end to their tears, too, and to receive their praise in turn. It was quite the inspirational moment. I don’t know about the rest of his flock, but our shepherd has kept a dry eye ever since. I’m truly amazed! Something must have clicked in his two year old head. It certainly helps that he LOVES his teachers, friends and activities.

I’d like to think I had something to do with this quick turn around. I know that boys in general, and my boys in particular, love to have a routine. Our fourth is no exception. Perhaps our morning routine played a part. When we arrive at preschool he gets out of his car seat and sits in my lap in the front seat while we listen to a bit of a book on tape (usually one of the Harry Potters).

I tell him that preschool is about to start and that we need to go in soon. And then I let him decide when to go in. He thinks he ponders for a really long time, but in actuality, the whole thing takes less than a minute. We walk in to the school where we usually find one of his teachers doing their daily art project. Son #4 then gives me a hug and a kiss and sits down to do the project. Voila! Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

This is an easy routine that gives him a sense of control over the situation, especially when HE gets to decide when to go in. His separation anxiety was by far the shortest and least intense of all my boys. What a relief! After what I went through with my “Middles” I totally deserve a break.

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So next time you feel like praising your child for their success, bite your tongue and say:

“Hey idiot, nice job. Clearly you just got lucky, but it’s better to be lucky than good.”

I kid, I kid…

Rather, the recommended course of action is to give your kids specific praise for their effort, strategy, etc. For example, when your child does especially well on a test, compliment their study habits rather than their intellect.

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Our youngest son recently started preschool. He had a great time at the Open House where he met his teacher and played with the toys, all in the comforting presence of mom and dad. The first day of school was exciting for him.

He tried to wrap his two year old mind around going to preschool by himself, but I don’t think he really got it. I’ve learned over the years that with my boys the first day of separation is always easier than subsequent days. By the second day, they know what to expect and start to resist.

I was cautiously optimistic about our first goodbye. He glided in to the room and immediately found a toy to play with. He barely gave me a hug and kiss, because he was so engrossed in what he was doing. “Yatzhee!” I said to myself. That was even easier than his brothers.

Separation anxiety was not going to be an issue for us. Or was it?

I returned three hours later to find a happy guy. Phew! Unfortunately, that wasn’t the complete picture. Shortly after he had given me his flippant farewell, he had lost his composure for about 10 minutes. The teacher thought maybe he had pinched his finger in a toy. Perhaps I was in denial, but I chose to believe the teacher’s speculation that he had hurt himself and not cried from separation anxiety. I told the story to my husband that evening.

He laughed consolingly and told me about a game that the two of them play where our son pretends to have hurt his finger to elicit sympathy and my husband pretends to comfort him. So much for the pinched finger theory. That only left one thing… Gasp! Could it have been separation anxiety and my son’s sad plea for sympathy? Well, duh!!!

The next preschool day, our little preschooler started crying and chanting: “I don’t want to go to preschool by myself!” for the hour before we left the house, the drive to school, and the walk into the building. Then he just opened up the floodgates. The same thing happened the couple days thereafter. Well, not exactly the same thing. His tearful chant changed when we get to the parking lot to, “I don’t want to go inside!” and evolved to, “I told you I didn’t want to come inside!”

I’ve been trying to establish a simple, short routine. I draw him a quick picture, he finds a toy to play with me for a short while, we give each other a hug and kiss. This is usually done while he continues to cry and chant. The other day, they said he only cried for about two minutes, which is progress. I’m hoping to phase out the picture and short play over time and just give him a hug and kiss and send him on his merry way.

Honestly, this separation anxiety is to be expected if his brothers are any indication. At least, he’s doing better than Son #2, who would cry for an extended period of time. Some days he even had to be the “little helper” for the director and follow her as she bustled around the school. That seemed to work for him (and his sympathetic but busy classroom teachers). Eventually, he stopped crying all together. In comparison, Son #3 cried for mere seconds when I left the room, but he kept this up for the better part of the school year.

Strange, isn’t it? One was a lengthy and dramatic crier for a short part of the school year while the other was a short and intense crier for most of the school year. Separation anxiety can manifest itself in such a variety of ways. This time around I’m hoping for a short bout of crying that will fizzle out in the next month or so. My prediction is that soon he’ll be running in to school so fast that I won’t be able to keep up with him.

[Photo Credit: Brenda Anderson]

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While I had the schoolwork thing pretty much right — if you don’t get your work done, you don’t get recess — the hand-raising rule is a bit different than we originally thought. First of all, this rule wasn’t arbitrarily introduced. Rather, they’ve been having problems with the kids talking out of turn, so they decided that it was time to do something to rein them in. Hence, the kids now get three bands on their left wrist.

If they talk out of turn, they have to move one to their right wrist. And if they move all of them, they get in trouble. However, the punishment for this one isn’t missing recess as we originally thought. Rather, they still get to go out with the class to recess, but they have to “walk the blacktop.” Basically, this means they have to work round and round the playground instead of playing. This seems reasonable since the kids are given three chances (per day) and they’re still getting their exercise.

I’m still not crazy about the idea of taking recess (and the attendant exercise) away from kids for not finishing their work. Id’ much rather see them lose library time, or something along those lines. Nonetheless, I do understand the need to motivate the kids to stay on task, and this should certainly have that effect.

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Fast forward to this morning when his concerns resurfaced. This time it was just as we were sending the boys out the door to catch the bus. After a bit of questioning, my wife learned that his trepidation about the ‘no recess’ rule is because it’s a brand new rule that goes into effect today. Moreover, they’re each going to get three bands (or bracelets?) to put on their left wrist in the morning. Each time they talk out of turn, they’ll have to move a band from their left wrist to their right wrist — and if they end up moving all three, they’ll have to miss out on recess.

Apparently he’s especially concerned about the schoolwork rule because, as he says “I color so carefully that their aren’t any white spots left on the paper.” While we did our best to explain to him that the rules aren’t meant to be scary — they’re just there to teach them to work when it’s time to work and to not disrupt the class — he still got on the bus with tears in his eyes. Fortuantely, it wasn’t a full-on meltdown, but it was still heart breaking.

A couple of thoughts… For starters, being something of a perfectionist myself, I can definitely identify with his concerns about getting his work in a timely fashion will still meeting his own high standards. Also, while I’m hugely in favor of teaching kids the rules, I’m not crazy about the idea of withholding recess. This is especially true for little boys, who can get especially rambunctious when pent up in the classroom all day. I’m also not crazy about the idea of kids missing out on the social development and exercise that comes from free play in the school yard.

All of this being said, I’m sure he’ll adjust quickly and this will be a distant memory within a few days.

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First, we moved his bed time up an hour. He now starts getting ready for bed at the shockingly early hour of 6 and is usually asleep before 6:30. Because of this, he even woke up on his own the last few mornings.

Second, I resorted to bribery (err, positive reinforcement). I promised him that if he got on the bus without protesting for the entire week, I would play the video game of his choice with him for 15 minutes. You should have seen his eyes light up, because he knows I detest playing video games.

I then decided to take it one step further. I told him that if he stays on a “green lily pad” all week, then I would play another 15 minutes with him. (Note: His teacher moves each child’s frog to a yellow and then a red lily pad if they misbehave.) He could earn a whopping 30 minutes of mommy video time!

These two things seem to have done the trick. He gets on the bus each morning with a spring in his step and a smile on his face. Last week he had all green lily pads too! My only saving grace is that I am REALLY bad at video games. He just might get frustrated enough with me that he’ll let me out of my obligation.

To tell you the truth, I enjoyed the time I spent with him. Last weekend I played for forty minutes without even realizing it. He’s been doing so well with Kindergarten that I have a feeling I’ll be putting in my half hour this weekend. No biggy… Seeing those green lily pads makes it all worthwhile.

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